Template for successful marriage (2)

Successful marriage, Template for successful marriage(2)

Who is a Good Wife?
Last month, I wrote about the qualities of a good husband. Invariably, you will want to read about the qualities of a good wife. Yes, who is a good wife? And what qualities make a woman a good wife?

Before going into this, let me ask if a man is a good husband, will that make the woman a good wife? Some will argue it to the moon and back. Whatever your opinion, there is a grain of truth there. A wife responds to her husband the way he treats her. If you treat your wife as worthless, she becomes worthless to you. If you treat her as royalty, she becomes a jewel in your crown, a pleasure and a blessing to you.

As far as human relationships are concerned, what you give is what you get in return.
According to the Bible, Luke 6:38 (NKJV)
“For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Here are qualities that make a woman a good wife.

Be Pleasant

As a wife, be warm, kind, pleasant, understanding, and friendly to your husband, his family, and friends. Never be rude to him or his family members. Welcome your husband home with a smile. A good wife honours her husband with her pleasant manners and tone. A happy smile on her face, a neat and clean appearance will go a long way to make her husband appreciate her.

Be Respectful

As a wife expects respect from her husband, so does a husband expect respect from a wife? “Respect is reciprocal,” is a common saying.
Respect can be reflected in the way she talks and behaves. A good wife talks to her husband respectfully and lovingly, no matter his conditions or status in life.

A good wife does not belittle, criticize, humiliate, or talk down on her husband, in private or in public. Doing so will hurt his ego. The quickest way to build resentment in your husband is to criticize or belittle him, especially in the presence of others. If you don’t agree with him, respectfully let him know you don’t agree with him.

If you treat your husband with disrespect in the presence of others, people around you will never respect him. Also, never embarrass him in public, particularly in the presence of your family or his friends or yours, especially in the presence of the children.

Be Able To Communicate

Communication plays a vital role in marriage. It is the key to a good and solid relationship. Not just communication, but open communication is an integral part of every marriage. It involves your ability to be open, be articulate and free to share your inner thoughts. Open communication in marriage means you tell your husband what you think, how you feel and what you expect of him. A good wife does not hide things or keep secrets from her husband.

If you are the type that bottles up your emotions, especially after a disagreement, then your marriage is in trouble. Your husband is not a mind reader, he acts based on what you say out loud.

Listening is critical for effective communication and as important as talking too. A good wife listens, and not only talks; probably, you have lots of important things to tell him, also allow him to talk as well and you listen. Both of you want to be heard. Give him the chance to hear you, and for you to listen to him. Find time to sit and gist with your husband. Listen to him talk about his day, talk to you about his problems or interests.

Listening is not enough, make a conscious effort to hear, understand and make meaningful contributions. Pay attention during a conversation with your husband. Put away your phone and turn off anything that could be distracting you from having your full attention when he is speaking

Open communication is also the ability to resolve conflict amicably. When issues arise, talk through them with calm words and a calm mind. Talk to your husband – ask, say, and discuss. Not shout at him. Avoid the silent treatment, it will worsen the situation. Don’t leave your husband guessing about your feelings.

Be Supportive

A good wife is always supportive of her husband in good times and in troubled times. A good wife loves her husband not only when he is successful. She should reassure and understand when her husband is feeling down or going through hard times. This is the period to be more thoughtful, supportive and loving as a good wife.

As a good wife, you should be your husband’s number one cheerleader. No matter how difficult the journey or situation, do not discourage your husband from pursuing his dream. Believe in him, assure him and help in any way you can.

Do Not Nag

No man likes a nagging wife. Ask him nicely and talk to him respectfully. Some wives think nagging is the only way to get their husbands to do things. The truth is, nagging can create unwanted tension in the house. A woman said she wouldn’t get her husband to do things for her if she doesn’t nag. A good husband knows the right thing to do for his wife.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems early in the morning or the moment he comes back home. Instead of pestering him, talk to him sensibly about issues or your needs.
Constant complaints and murmuring will only push your husband out of the house, and to avoid you, he spends time in bars, or at times, in the arms of another woman.

Give Him Space

As a good wife, it is important to understand your husband has a life outside you and the home. He has family, friends, and colleagues who are also part of his life. He may have hobbies and passions he is involved in. Also, a married man needs space at times even from his wife. Respect that and give him some space, and allow him to pursue his hobbies and interests. Don’t expect his undivided attention at all times.

Don’t stop him if he wants to hang out with his friends, or engage in a hobby or sport, or if he wants to go to a viewing centre to watch a football match. An interfering wife is an irritating woman. Restricting your husband’s freedom and intruding on his space can be suffocating and will negatively impact your marriage.

Keep Him Happy In Bed

Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in marriage. When you please your man, he will be obliged to please you in return. If you cannot keep your man happy in bed, he may go where he can get it, in the hand of a side-chick. Also, don’t let the man do all the work in the other room, be an active partner, be adventurous and be outspoken. Most husbands want to hear their wives tell them how to please them during sex.

A man once told me that for 10 years of his marriage, he had been the one initiating sex between him and his wife. One day he decided to stop and see what his wife would do. One month they didn’t make love and the wife accused him of having an extramarital affair. He asked her, have you even requested sex from me and I denied you of it?

Taking the first step in lovemaking does not mean you’re lewd and neither will it diminish your husband’s respect for you. So if you’re in the mood for sex, go ahead and take the initiative. Get flirtatious, tease him, touch him, kiss him, tell him how you want it. He is your husband.

Be Affectionate

Express your love and appreciation to your husband as often as possible. Men like praises and appreciation and they like to hear the words “I love you” too. They also want to hear their wives tell them how good they are in bed. It boosts their confidence and makes them strive to satisfy their wives often as well.

A good wife gives her husband thoughtful gifts once in a while. She never forgets the special days in his life. Men love surprises too. So surprise him on his birthday, a party, cook his favourite meal or a special night of passion will go a long way to show your husband you love him.

Do not shift your affection for your husband to your children, it is wrong! It alienates the man from the children and in some cases makes the children lose respect for their father.

Be Loyal And Dedicated

A good wife is honest, loyal, and dedicated. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and the vows you took, in the beginning, should be kept at all times.

Be loyal to your husband, stand by him in all stages of his career and life, in health and sickness. Be proud of his accomplishments, compliment and appreciate him.

You and your husband are a team, so you should plan together, and act in unison. A good wife does not take major decisions about the family without consulting with her husband.

Good Maintenance

Some women overlook their appearances once married, they will tell you, after all, they are not looking for another husband. Wives should care more about their appearance because getting a good husband is a battle, and keeping the man and your marriage is a fiercer battle.

Also, know that a good appearance makes for a cheerful disposition. Taking good care of your appearance, makes you feel good and bold as well as make your husband happy and proud. Men like their wives to look good and smell good. And take care of your health too. Make yourself look good and healthy, not just for him but for yourself.

Be Hygienic

Maintain a clean and neat house. Your husband will feel happy to come every day.

Be A Good Housekeeper

The family spending expenses need to be handled with thriftiness by the wife. A good wife must be financially intelligent in order not to waste her husband’s finances. She is a good homemaker and a builder, not a squanderer.

Caring And Compassionate

A good wife is caring and compassionate. She is sensitive to her husband’s needs and understands his moods and knows how to make him happy. Her care and compassion should not be for the husband alone. It includes loving and caring for his family and friends. A good wife should care for and love her husband’s immediate family, show kindness to them, visit or call them from time to time, especially his parents, if they are still alive.

A good wife should also know her husband’s friends and treat them as her friends too. Try as much as possible to join him in activities he is interested in or invariably allow him to indulge in them.

Pamper your husband often, men are just overgrown boys who are constantly in the care of a woman. A good wife makes her husband dependent on her by doing things no one else will do for him. This makes him miss you and have you in his thoughts when you are not around him. Your gestures, actions and words will inspire him to do wonderful things for you.

Be Prayerful

As a good wife, prayer should be one of your key weapons. Praying for your husband and family daily is the best thing you can do for them. Prayer should be your banner over your family.

A praying wife is a pride to her husband. A man once asked a friend his secret for business success. He told him he has a praying wife. A wife who takes her spiritual life seriously is a blessing to her husband and home.

Be Honest

Honesty builds trust in a relationship. Marriages that are based on honesty are devoid of strives that come with lies and untruthfulness. A good wife does not cheat or lie to her husband. If your husband is honest with you, then he deserves the same honesty and truthfulness from you.

Being truthful should be intentional. At times, honesty hurts and may result in resentment or fights. It is better, to be honest than to be dishonest. Dishonesty destroys trust in a relationship. But honesty helps to build trust and to strengthen your marriage.

Develop Self-sustaining Habits

Being a good wife is not limited to taking care of your husband and family. As a woman, groom yourself, grow, be industrious, be an asset to your husband and not a beautiful, clueless trophy wife.

In your quest to be a good wife, it is also important to develop positive attributes and self-sustaining habits. These qualities will help you to play your role as a good wife and also maintain a healthy and balanced relationship with your husband.

You have to be at peace with yourself, love yourself, be proud of yourself and above all have a personal identity. When you have these attributes, exhibiting them towards your husband, family and friends come naturally to you.

Be Submissive And Obedient

A good wife is submissive and obedient but not to the level of servitude. Marriage is not a master/servant relationship. No. Marriage is a mutual partnership of individuals who complement each other and contribute equally to the marriage.

A wife is an equal partner in the marriage. If you want a submissive and obedient wife, then be a loving and respectful husband. A man will have to love his wife to the point of earning her obedience and submissiveness.

Wives are the nucleus, the dots that connect every member of the household. It is a wife that sets the tone and mood in the house. Men are merely glorified over-lords. A happy wife makes a happy home. A wife who knows her worth and nurtures her home with wisdom, love and care is a good wife indeed.

A good wife makes a good husband. If a woman is a good wife to her husband and treats him right, he will cherish her, love her, and be a good husband to her in return.

Remember, there are two people in this relationship and each has to play their roles to make their marriage an ideal one.