Osinachi’s Death and Marital Violence:  Is Divorce an Option?

Osinachi’s Death and Marital Violence

Recently, social media was agog when the news of the demise of a popular gospel singer Osinachi, who sang the popular sensation song “Ekwueme” was broken to the world. Osinachi reportedly died as a result of domestic violence in her marriage. Her death has added to the number of married women dead or alive that has been victims of marital or domestic violence in the hands of their husbands in recent times.

However, her death has generated a lot of reactions from government, different individuals, corporate bodies, , religious leaders, marriage counselors and even has become a subject of debate among members of the National Assembly in Nigeria all condemning the barbaric act.

Among those that have fallen victims of abuse relationship at one time or the other are Esther Odiki, Nollywood actresses including Mercy Aigbe, Tonto Dikeh,Georgina Onuoha, Chika Ike, Tiwa Savage, Yetunde Balogun, Ozioma Helen to mention but a few.

The late gospel musician, Osinachi Kalu born on 30th March, 1972 in Afikpo South, Ebonyi State, Nigeria whose death was allegedly caused by her husband, Peter Nwachukwu has become an eye opener for several women who are equally going through the same harrowing experience in their relationship to speak out in order not to lose their lives like Osinachi did.

So for the men or women facing domestic abuse or violent issues in their relationship either physical or verbal one is divorce an option and which steps to take when confronted with the challenges to save the situation?

The problem that many people are facing in their relationship is the foundation upon which that marriage was built. It has been discovered that most marriages that end in divorce, violence, wife battering and so on are built on the wrong foundations. The Bible says what God has joined let no man put asunder. Marriage is an institution established by God and therefore God hates divorce, He does not approve of killing each other or violence in any form whatsoever.

Many marriages nowadays were joined by tradition, ignorance, accidental discharge, match making etc jettison God’s pattern for marriage. So once the foundation set by God has been violated then such marriage(s) will not stand.

So foundation is very very important in every relationship. In a relationship the couple must be friends, it is necessary to marry a partner that one can flow together with, somebody you can be proud of but not a beast.

For a marriage that will have problems, the couple must have seen signals during their courtship; somebody who is shouting at you, tells lies, never kept his or her promises, not there for you, stingy and so on. So, all these signals must have been there for couples planning to enter into a marital journey to open their eyes into the reality ahead of them. This will afford them an opportunity to know which foundation upon which to build their relationship whether it is the one that will have problems or not.

People marry for very very funny reasons; he’s handsome, she’s beautiful, but when the beast in her comes out you won’t see that beauty again. The problem is better solved before you enter into it. Marry right by marrying your friend, marry a God ordained man that will add value to your life, solve the problem at the foundation. Don’t marry from facebook or dating sites. See the person you are to marry face to face, relate well for a while to know his or her character. If you are courting somebody for two to three months you will know whether he or she is telling lies, proud, stingy, hot temper and once those signals are there, please don’t go ahead because he or she will mess you up as rightly said that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

While speaking on the issue of marital violence on a private radio station monitored by Rulers’ World, the presiding Pastor of Living Spring Chapel International, Pastor Femi Emmanuel said marriage is supposed to be a blessing but in many cases it has become a problem which is unfortunate. According to him, “there are some husbands and wives that when you listen to them you begin to ask why did you get married? These are two people that are not supposed to be living together in the first place because of their differences in the approach to life, their orientation, their characters, their peculiarities, how did you find yourselves living together under the same roof? Marriages that will have problems the signals should have been there but people are blind to it and our tradition too is not healthy. What I advise is separation which is different from divorce.

What is advisable is separation. When this happens, for some time, the other man will now be able to appreciate her more or vice versa. So it may not be divorce to go with. You give one another a space that could be the therapy to make the man appreciate the woman more. Once you raise your hand against your partner you will always do.

For a man or woman that is in abusive or toxic marriages please don’t die there. There is no reason to die in a marriage. Marriage is supposed to make us happy. God instituted marriage for the benefit of man; it is supposed to be enjoyed not to be endured. Marriage is supposed to remove the problem of loneliness but there are still many people that are still lonely despite being married because they didn’t marry their companion.

You have your life to live instead of thinking of the stigma of what people will say. We should stop this tradition of Nigerian mentality of what people will say. Are people not talking of Osinachi now after her death? If you fail people will talk if you succeed people will talk you must come to the point where you have your life to live. Your life is your own, you are the one that will stand before God and give account of yourself. Live to please your God to fulfill your purpose.” The man of God submitted.

Also speaking in the same vein, the anchor of a weekly radio programme, “She Matter”, Reverend (Mrs) Funke Adetuberu said “there is no marriage in heaven marriage begins here and it ends here. When it comes to abuse, molestation it is not gender based.

If you want to get married, do personality test, compatibility test, HIV test, genotype test, be sure that you are not marrying a mad person. Some people don’t have the capacity to love. So even if the woman somersault and you do everything and you pay the bill and whatever any length you go because of a man he will not say thank you or well done because he does not have the capacity to love. When others are appreciating their wives he will ask what has she done? So you have to be intentional when it comes to having to deal with your marital issue. The two of you must be willing to say this marriage has to work.”

One of the reasons why women stay in an abusive marriage is lack of finance and this is a challenge to every woman to have a financial life. The Osinachi case is a different thing, she made the money but the man spent all the money but in most cases where do I have money? How will I take care of the children? If as a woman you cannot finance yourself then you are in a trap. So every woman should own a financial life. You went to school or you learnt a trade, if a woman has enough money to take care of herself 80% of her problems are solved. So work and earn your money. If a man tells you I want you to be a full housewife please don’t agree. Full time housewife is a full time punishment in future when the man has totally disabled you then he can pour the insult on you. Earn your money so that you can take care of yourself.

Speaking further, Pastor Femi Emmanuel advised the young ones not to choose wrongly, stressing that a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage or broken destiny. “If it is one day to your wedding and you know that this person I’m not convinced listen to the voice of wisdom, don’t let anyone manipulate you in the name of religion, shine your eyes, make sure you are convinced and listen to the voice of reasoning. Don’t love blindly in order not to suffer for the rest of your life.

We must come out of the tradition of what people say which is not helping us. People should start speaking out to those who can help them.  A man that raises his hand to beat a woman is a beast. Dead people don’t talk. Don’t stay in an abusive marriage, don’t stay in a toxic marriage, if a man is raising his hand to beat you what are you still doing there?

And to parents, stop doing march making for your children, stop finding partners for them, train your children, send them to school, give them moral upbringing, teach them the way of God, know that marriage is for matured people not for eaglets. If you are in a relationship with someone who is 35 to 40 years and is not married go deep deep to know what is happening to him that kept him waiting for so long. Don’t go into a relationship in the name of “I’m in love”.

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