Motives For Relationships

Motives For Relationships

At the heart of every human being is the need for companionship, partnership, care, attention, affection, and love. No one really wants to be alone. Ideally, the essence of a relationship is finding that special someone to share your needs, desires and the burdens of everyday life.

Relationships are a NEED meeting mechanism. That’s for real. We all have needs to satisfy and meet which alone we can not satisfy or meet. The only way to get them fulfilled is through interaction with others when we relate with them.

Relationships provide avenues for solving different human needs. There are as many kinds of relationships as there are different human needs to meet.

When circumstances connect two people, there is always a motive behind the union, defined or undefined. Each is bringing into the relationship a need, they hope to be fulfilled. It is only when people openly and clearly put out their needs and, there is an understanding of what each partner needs, that the relationship moves on without many games or tricks.

However, games and tricks arise when people hide their motives or rather their needs behind a facade of affection and love. When the purpose of a thing is not well defined or known, resentment and abuse are inevitable. When the needs or desires of partners in a relationship are not well defined, it would be steeped in games, tricks and emotional exploitation.

In every relationship, the motive behind the show of affection determines the direction the relationship would go, and this propels every action and decision people make or take in the relationship. People come together to form intimacy for different motives, which might be for love, for fun, for pleasure, for companionship, for social benefits, for comfort, as a placeholder, “take hold body”, situationship and so many other reasons.

But relationships for pleasure, for benefit, for comfort, or based on the emotions of true love and affection are the four basic ones. Others are anchored on these.

Whatever be the motive for the relationship, love is always a word used to cover a variety of feelings, needs and emotions, but believe me, love in its truest sense is far from the core of most relationships.

Relationships Based On Pleasure.

Passion and sexual gratification spur this type of relationship. One partner is only interested in the sexual thrills, fun, and the idea of being in a relationship. No real deep emotional attachment and the personal attributes of the other person are of very little importance. Such relationships have no deep root, any small wind of discord disintegrates them. Some are usually short-lived. 

Sometimes, one partner regards the other as a placeholder unknown to them, though. What the other desires is someone around for sexual satisfaction. They call when they require your service and compensate you with cash gains and gifts.

For sure, this type of affair is manipulative and demanding. Here, people give to get something in return even if they don’t admit it.

When a young girl becomes a side chic to a married man, often, love isn’t the main course, probably a side dish to sweeten the affair. The woman needs social benefits, or comfort financially. And the man wants pleasure and sexual satisfaction out of the bargain. When both of them maintain their lane and play their roles adequately, the relationship lingers for a time.

Relationships Based On Benefit

These types of relationships depend on the usefulness of one partner to the other and what they stand to gain from each other. This type of relationship is based on personality and possession.

The inner personal constitution of the other person is of little or no importance. The outer personality is more important and valuable.

This is because the primary concern is the benefits to be derived from the liaison based on the person’s outward clout.

Materialism and social benefits are the bedrock on which this type of relationship is built. What runs through the mind of people in such a relationship is what personal satisfaction, business ties, social benefits, connection, or financial increase do they stand to gain?

The guy has money and social clout and you went into the relationship for the tappings that come from dating him.

The lady is beautiful, from a very influential and affluent family, and dating her adds some financial and social values to your status.

Fine girl, he uses you for ego-stroking. when he sees a girl more beautiful or more valuable to him, he dumps you. The guy is loaded, a cash cow or the goose that lays golden eggs for her. When she meets another guy with more money than you, she follows the money.

People go after higher winds and status elevation.

A guy once told me he would not marry a girl he would struggle with or be responsible for her family’s needs. He wanted a girl who has made it or from a wealthy family. To him, love is overrated, wealth and comfort first before love. For years, he searched and found his ideal wife. When he thought his wife’s family would take care of his needs, he discovered that once married; he had to fend for himself and his wife. All the promises made to him never came through.

With time, resentment set in because the union did not meet his expectations and needs. The marriage collapsed after a few years.

A relationship based on benefit or pleasure has money, sex and connection as key factors for the union. Many people confess love to have access to sex, while some confess love for money and other trappings of wealth. The word, “I Love You”, has no weight and value in such relationships.

The fact the word “love” is thrown around doesn’t make it a true love relationship. Love is not the binding cord, nor is it the motive for the relationship. These relationships are contracted and regulated by feelings based on personal pleasures and gains of the moment and never true love and affection.

They are transitory, have no depth and no future because when the motives for forming them are no longer realised, they crumble. When one’s desire is fulfilled and the other is unfulfilled, then there is no fair play. The one with unfulfilled desires would feel cheated and would want out of the relationship.

Relationships Based On Comfort  

Here, what brought the partners together are the little niceties of life that bring material comfort at the moment.

Women are attracted to men who have what it takes to make them comfortable. Most women love to live in luxury and have all expenses paid by a wealthy partner.

And so are some men these days. They are after women that are capable of providing them with material comfort. Like a young man of twenty-five years telling me to connect him with a woman of my age grade who has money so she would take care of him financially.

In relationships, people settle for many average things because they’re conveniently comfortable at the moment, forgetting that the wind of change might blow such conveniences off the shelves tomorrow. When the need for comfort is no longer foreseeable, which is the bedrock of the relationship, what then happens?

Comfort is not just about material things alone. It can be an emotional release from stress and stressors.

Emotional comfort is one reason most men keep side chics according to a man. He said he has a troublesome wife at home, so he has a girlfriend by the side who makes him happy. The emotional comfort he drives from staying with her helps keep his sanity intact. In return, he keeps her financially comfortable.

In this type of arrangement, things could only go topsy-turvy when each party’s different expectations for the relationship are not met.

Relationships Based On The Emotion Of Love

Here, love and affection pour forth from one to the other, irrespective of personality or possession. When two people love each other greatly that it does not matter who the other is or what he/she possesses, then they are in a state of love.

A psychoanalyst, Harry stack Sullivan defines the state of love as: “When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one’s satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists.”

A relationship based on the state of love, similarities of emotion and affection for each other are the best and most lasting motive for a relationship. When some couldn’t get this level of connection, they settle for what is available. This is because believing in the illusion of love is better than not being loved at all.

In a true love-based relationship, to love is more important than being loved. If the other person truly loves you as well, they will reflect the same feelings towards you. It becomes a union of love, where love is given for love. However, any time each party feels he/she is not getting enough of that love, the relationship is in jeopardy of disintegration, too.

When the need is love and affection and is being given in an equal exchange, where both are givers and receivers, the relationship flourishes and both partners are happy.

Intimate relationships based on love have no bounds, no restrictions and are not limited by conditions. In a true love-based relationship, everything should be given and done unconditionally, without the expectation of reward or manipulation of feelings. Genuine love asks for nothing but the reciprocation of love.

Your partner gives you love and attention; does things for you without asking for anything in exchange. The person gives from the abundance of love in his/her heart. The person doesn’t want to use you as a means to secure some of his/her desires. By giving and doing, the person is also meeting his/her needs. It is an overflowing sharing of their heart with their partners.

Loving another person is a selfless act. When you love someone, you put them first, work towards understanding their wants and needs and how to help the person get them. Very imperative if you want the relationship to work with less stress.

Honestly ask yourself what is the motive behind the relationship you are into presently? The answer you get is the binding cord of your relationship.

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