How To Optimize Your Chances of Finding Genuine Love

Believe it or not, it’s real. Some people are sitting at home alone and depressed because they lack genuine love in their lives. And depression is a vicious cycle that pushes some to suicide attempts with a little trigger from friends or foes.

​Someone might be rich, handsome, pretty, or live in affluence, and some have high connections, move in exalted circles, and yet live a lonely and miserable life because they have no one to love them. Genuine love is the icing that sweetens life and makes it worth living.

​Recently, the social media was agog with the story of a 47-year-old lady, an accountant with Nigeria Telecommunication Company, Globacom, living in Lekki Lagos, who committed suicide. According to the news online, she took her life because she was unmarried, had no child or boyfriend and only attended church programmes.

​I went through some social media comments on the issue. It was disheartening that most people thought her action was stupid. And some commentators believed that her singleness was probably due to her high standards or she was too selective.

​First, that a woman is single at that age has nothing to do with how high or low her standards are. I’ve met people with low standards who are ready to accept any man who will look at them, yet they are still single.

It’s wrong for people to frown upon women who proactively seek men who possess the traits they want. Just because a woman wants to marry doesn’t mean she should just accept any Jack, Kunle, or Okoro because he is a man.

​Many people are crying out for love, genuine love, and some are constantly on the search for that someone, that significant other with whom to have a meaningful and satisfying relationship.

​If you have been searching and not getting results, you need to change your beliefs, habits, behaviours and lifestyles. Affect changes in your life and take positive steps to find the type of love you want.

​Though there is no algorithm for finding genuine love, there are pointers to help you optimize your chances of finding love.

But first, you have to:

Know yourself.

Love yourself.

Trust yourself.

​Once you know yourself and know what you want, and trust yourself to get it, then take action.

Take Action to Find Love

​If you want to find genuine love, put yourself on the path of opportunity by going out there and opening yourself to it and taking intelligent action to find it.

​Genuine love will not come knocking on your door to embrace you. You have to go out and make it happen. So, even if you don’t feel like getting out there, get out there and attend events like dinners, clubs, concerts, festivals, and parties. Go to museums, libraries, shopping centres, grocery stores, and other places where you will meet people. Go out there, mingle, and open your heart and life to love. Having a good network of friends can produce positive results.

​Set your life in the direction you want.

​Don’t bring down your values because you want someone to love you. Shoes have sizes one size does not fit all. Find your niche and keep at it, internet marketers will always say. You will meet people moving in the same direction as you, people with the same goals and ambitions as you. When you hold on to your values and are not afraid to go for what you want, and when you project your actual self and intention and the type of partner you seek, people will sense that, and you will attract the right person. What you give out is what you get.

Don’t desperately look for love.

​Desperation leads to making wrong choices and accepting what is obviously not good for you. Don’t force yourself to fall in love with anybody. Give it time and be social and the right woman/man will come at the right time. Increase your circle of friends and get to know more people. Interact, and attend social events and charity events. If you’re religious, don’t just attend church and go back. Go for weddings, camp meetings and other church functions.

​Just know what you want and keep your standards. That’s the best thing to do for yourself. You’ll find someone eventually who will have the same values as you. Please don’t, out of desperation, change your values to align with a current hook-up.

​Desperation can push you into ignoring red flags in relationships and experiencing unnecessary heartaches afterwards.

Be emotionally available.

​Finding genuine love requires patience and the right mindset. When you meet someone who compliments your personality, aligns with your values, and who you can genuinely pursue a future with, be open to recognizing the potential and be emotionally available to cultivate genuine love with the person.

Also, you should be ready for the responsibilities loving someone else demands.

It’s a pity lots of people want to find love but don’t have time to deal with the commitments relationships demand.

​Relationships take time to build. They demand work. They are not something you tucked into your ordinary day’s schedules. Amid your everyday life, you have to work out what that person in your life wants and needs and how best to satisfy that. In one of my posts, I wrote that: Relationships are a NEED meeting mechanism. You must be emotionally available to know and fulfill your partner’s needs.

Let go of old hurts.

​When your mind is still on your old relationship, finding a new one will be impossible, and until you heal and move on, you won’t be ready for someone new. Mourn your dead relationship and then move on.

​And if you’re still nursing a hurt in your heart, you will not move forward, and the fear of being hurt again will hinder you from committing to another person. Be willing to open yourself to a new relationship.

​It is not ideal to be in a relationship just to feed your loneliness or lust. It will be better to be alone than to enter a fake relationship that will consume your time, energy, and focus and make your life miserable.

Consider your search sites.

​Many people are searching for love and not finding the love of their life because they are searching in the wrong place. Fishermen and fishers of men should be discreet about where they cast their nets.

Go to places where people of like minds flock. Even if it’s a dating website, be sure the criteria of people there align with what you need. Choose sites that suit your lifestyle and beliefs.

​As for clubs and bars, if you’re not the person who likes to hang out at bars or clubs, then you’re already in the wrong place. A friend of mine met her husband at a club. She enjoys partying and clubbing, and so does the man.

​You can use the web too. Join groups and be involved in discussion sites and forums on subjects that interest you. Many have met the love of their life through the web.

​Generally, if you are not in any relationship, don’t let it hinder your life. Live your life to the full and be happy. When you’re happy, you will glow with inner joy. Naturally, being joyful makes you attractive, and you will most likely attract someone to you. When you’re not even searching, love finds you. So calm down, don’t kill yourself, don’t stress your life. The love you seek will come. When the time is right, you will find someone who shares the same values and interests as you. And who will genuinely love the person you are.